I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
