I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Randomize
