i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
