jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Randomize
