I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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