If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
