How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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