dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
