We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
