I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
