I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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