I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
