Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
