I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Randomize
