IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
