Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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