i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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