Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
