I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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