he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
