We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
