I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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