I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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