Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
