idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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