he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
