Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
