its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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