I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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