chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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