I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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