I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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