they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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