birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
