some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Green mimosas i think yes
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
