those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
