Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
