Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
