if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
