I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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