You made me cry and you don't even care
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
