If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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