is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
