I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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