those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
