Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Sorry my hands just texted you
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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