just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
