You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
