meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
