fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
