you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
