This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
It's shark week go big or go home
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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