I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just want nice things and good sex
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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