He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
