She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
