So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Last time i carry you out of a forest
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
