i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
is it fun? or sober?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
