Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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